The Gospel of Stink Bomb


In Bumderland, they do not worship God as we know him. They worship the creator of Bumderland as their god. Stink Bomb is a prophet to their god.

Chapter 1-The First Speech

"1 Cows are a gift from God. 2 They provide us with hamburgers, pork, bacon, cars, toilet seats, and brains. 3 Without cows, we would die. 4 Also, llamas and elephants were given to us by God as gifts. 5 They give us such things as guns and pencils. 6 Having said that, I have to go. 7 Good-bye." 8 These were the first words of Stink Bomb on his tour of Bumderland. 9 Now he left the bathroom, making his way away from the crowd of onlookers. 10 Two men decided to stalk him and then to kill him for the fun of it. 11 As they snuck up behind Stink Bomb, the Stinkster slipped on a banana peel and fell, smashing himself to little bits. 12 This released the horrible smelling gas that is inside Stink Bomb. 13 At the first whiff of the smell, the two men fell over and died.

Chapter 2-The Dying Toaster

1 On his way to a poor house, a women came out screaming. 2 She said that her toaster was dying, and it was the only one she had. 3 Without it, she would not be able to make toast and would die. 4 Being so kind (or rather dumb), Stink Bomb decided to help. 5 He followed the women into her house and then into her bedroom. 6 She showed him the toaster that was laying on her bed wearing some boxer shorts. 7 Stink Bomb then asked, "Why is this toaster," he paused and then said, "not wearing a shirt?" 8 She said that when the toaster started showing problems, it was topless. 9 He asked her why it was topless then. 10 She started crying and admitted to having an affair with the toaster. 11 This shocked Stink Bomb. 12 When he finally regained his ability to think straight, he told the women this: "Go fetch a giraffe, and then put the toaster up it's butt. 13 Then find a cow and have sex with it. 14 Next, let the cow pull the toaster out of the giraffe's butt. 15 Finally, bring the toaster to the center of town and tell everyone about what you just did. 16 This will bring the toaster to life." 17 She did as instructed. 18 After she told about what she had done, everyone laughed at her, and it was really funny. 19 However, the toaster was revived, but at the price of the women's dignity. 20 That night, the women received about a hundred prank phone calls. 21 Several of them were from Stink Bomb. 22 The next day, Stink Bomb set out for the poor house.

Chapter 3-The Poor House

1 When Stink Bomb reached the poor house, he was greeted warmly. 2 Stink Bomb entered the poor house's auditorium and gave this speech: "You all are special. 3 You have privileges that no other people have. 4 You can sit around all day and do nothing and get support from our government. 5 You live off of all the hard working people's money and, for that, you people suck! 6 Good-bye." 7 Stink Bomb then ran as fast as he could out of the poor house. 8 All the poor people ran after him. 9 This was part of Stink Bomb's plan. 10 Earlier, he had told a group of people that poor people attacked people without reason and that he would demonstrate it. 11 He told them to wait at the fountain. 12 So, Stink Bomb was running to the meeting point at the fountain. 13 As he arrived, the richer people jumped the poor people. 14 A fight began and Stink Bomb high tailed out of there. 15 He would laugh about it for many days to come because it was funny. 16 This is SG 3:16, take it or leave it because it's the only 3;16 in this gospel.

Chapter 4-An End to His Preaching

1 After the poor house incident, he had run for a mile without stopping. 2 He had served the creator well in his tasks and decided that he wanted out of this preaching type stuff. 3 He looked up into the sky and yelled, "God, I have served you well and now I wish to retire from being a prophet."

4 This made the creator upset. 5 Then the creator said in a booming voice, "You pathetic wussie! 6 You want out? 7 Fine! 8 But first, you must complete one more task!"

9 This scared Stink Bomb who then said, "If that's what it takes, then yes, I will do it.

10 Then the creator of Bumderland said in a not so booming voice, "Go find me some advil and bring it to me. 11 My booming voice is giving me a headache."

12 Stink Bomb replied happily, "Uh...okay."

13 So, Stink Bomb set off to find some advil. 14 He first went to the only pharmacy in Bumderland. 15 The clerk there told him that there was no advil left and that he could fine some at the top of Mount Walawalabingbongslang. 16 So, that's where Stink Bomb went. 17 At the top of the mountain there was a big man who had the advil. 18 There were two people in front of Stink Bomb. 19 The first person approached the man. 20 The man said, "In order to get this advil, you must solve this riddle: What is made by man, serves no really good function, and stinks only when it is broken?"

21 The first person was stunned because he knew not the answer to the riddle. He guessed that it was toothpaste. 22 He was wrong, so the man threw him off the mountain into the appropriately named Valley of Hell. 23 The next person approached the man, and the man told him the riddle. 24 This man thought for a second and then guessed that it was the man's mother. 25 This angered the man who then grabbed the person and ripped the person in half. 26 Then he crunched the man into a flat saucer shape and threw him off the mountain. 27 Next, Stink Bomb approached and the man read him the riddle, but the man read it with a nervous stutter in his voice. 28 Stink Bomb thought for a second or two and said, "I am not too smart, but I would guess that the answer is a stink bomb." 29 The man was angered at this and attempted to throw Stink Bomb off the mountain, but the creator slapped the man. 30 This caused the man to drop the advil and fall off the mountain. 31 Stink Bomb picked up the advil and gave it to the creator. 32 The creator thanked him, and that was the end of Stink Bomb's preaching days.

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